Times You Deceived Me

-

1. Loaning me your sweatshirt for no better reason than I wanted it
            I washed it before I gave it back:
“Haha yeah it smells good…”
“…It smells like you”
2. Getting frozen yogurt together that you paid for
            Sharing a 0.5oz sample cup
3. Coming to the party for no better reason than I asked you to
            “Is it hitting you yet?”
            “How could you tell?”
4. Spinning me in my chair
            Playing with the armrest
            Pulling my chair closer to yours
5. The four-hour road trip
Pretending to fall asleep on my shoulder
Letting me feed you snacks, feeding me snacks
Holding your phone with your hand rested on my thigh
Sharing your breakup song
6. Teaching me how to hit a ball behind my back in pool
            Lingering arms
7. Standing inches apart looking down at me
            Pulling the strings on my sweatshirt
8. Sharing food and drinks without asking
            Chicken fingers
            Frozen yogurt
            Apple juice
            Alcohol
9. Walking me home late at night
Coming inside
            Sitting on the steps
            Bringing me to the elevator
            Coming upstairs with me
            Not coming inside the apartment because I told you not to
10. Telling me your phone background was you with your girlfriend

Comments

  1. Efrat MalachiFebruary 19, 2020 at 2:35 AM

    This is a really cool, unconventional layout for the poem and the numbering made it easy to follow. I think you enriched it by making it so personal with dialogue and specific in detail with "pulling the string on my sweatshirt" and "sharing a 0.5oz sample cup." The reasons you give under every number could be more consistent since some have more lines than others.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honey RogoffFebruary 19, 2020 at 10:57 AM

      Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you appreciate the details. I definitely see what you mean with the consistency, I wrote them inconsistently because they are the the aspects I associate with the event/number they're listed under.

      Delete
  2. OddservationsFebruary 19, 2020 at 9:13 AM

    Wow. I love the format of this. The only thing I am a little confused about (and it's just syntax/context), but is this out of order: Coming inside
    Sitting on the steps
    Bringing me to the elevator
    Coming upstairs with me
    Not coming inside the apartment because I told you not to
    What steps, where's the elevator, how is that happening after he comes inside?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honey RogoffFebruary 19, 2020 at 11:00 AM

      Thanks so much! I see how that's confusing, I was a little concerned it might seem out of order. I wasn't sure how to explain it better without getting too wordy/detail oriented in the descriptions. We came inside and sat on the steps leading to the elevator, then walked to the elevator, went upstairs, and stopped outside the apartment door (not the building door).

      Delete
  3. Professor MillerFebruary 21, 2020 at 4:52 PM

    I'm looking forward to discussing this poem soon in workshop!

    ReplyDelete
  4. EllieFebruary 23, 2020 at 9:53 PM

    I love this poem. I find it to be very unorthodox int he best way possible. I love the way you explained each point as opposed to letting them speak for themselves. Even number 8, which didn't technically need an explanation, the reader could tell that form the list of foods each one held a memory which made the point that much more impactful. I also really think the title is so clever for this poem. Although for certain memories there could've been a bit more context for the reader to get a better understanding or picture of what was happening.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lara VosburghMay 4, 2020 at 9:19 AM

    I love this...so many details, so much scenery, so much information. It is like a scene from a indie film...I am just a bit confused by the title,

    ReplyDelete

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