Spectators
Everyone is watching you and laughing.
Man plans, God laughs.
Except everyone is acting as God.
You’re running, wild, wondering when he'll leave your mind.
Everyone watches silent, waiting for you to fall.
Inevitable, yet you're the last to accept the truth.
Man plans, God laughs.
You're busying yourself with the wrong subject.
Nothing else takes up so much of your thoughts.
Yet somehow, he finds a way.
You can't hope that you might be hurting him the same.
Man plans, God laughs.
The headaches don't stop, the migraines settle in.
But an Advil or hot shower will relieve the pain.
Though relief is only temporary, and you're back.
Back to longing, to thinking, to pushing it back out.
Man plans, God laughs.
No one cares enough anymore and you're stuck caring too much.
It's irrelevant, doesn't matter, shouldn't matter.
You've told yourself time and time again
There are better things to be worrying yourself with.
Man plans, God laughs.
This will pass just like the others.
Except there's only been one other.
Friends are nice, you hold the pain to keep a friend.
You're happy with friends.
Man plans, God laughs.
But this one is stronger than the last.
Don't they just hurt more?
Do they?
It's been so long since the Last Real One.
Man plans, God laughs.
You are your own toxic enemy.
Building yourself up, just to fill with self-doubt
And rip everything back down.
The waste emitted only makes you sick, while the others breathe clear.
Man plans, God laughs.
Stop checking, stop thinking.
Stop thinking, stop thinking!
It's impossible to stop.
They shake their heads. It's obvious, the thoughts run rampant.
They know how to fix this; but they won’t let you in.
Man plans, God laughs.
The migraines mingled with the tightness
A hold around your chest you cannot let out.
A knot of lead, heavy in your gut,
Pulling you, sinking, further into the depths.
Man plans, God laughs.
They're looking from outside these walls.
They can see what you can't, stuck inside.
You pretend, put on a fresh smile to stop them laughing.
But they see the circles under your eyes, the stains of yesterday’s mascara.
So, they watch, and they laugh.
Man plans, God laughs.
Except everyone is acting as God.
You’re running, wild, wondering when he'll leave your mind.
Everyone watches silent, waiting for you to fall.
Inevitable, yet you're the last to accept the truth.
Man plans, God laughs.
You're busying yourself with the wrong subject.
Nothing else takes up so much of your thoughts.
Yet somehow, he finds a way.
You can't hope that you might be hurting him the same.
Man plans, God laughs.
The headaches don't stop, the migraines settle in.
But an Advil or hot shower will relieve the pain.
Though relief is only temporary, and you're back.
Back to longing, to thinking, to pushing it back out.
Man plans, God laughs.
No one cares enough anymore and you're stuck caring too much.
It's irrelevant, doesn't matter, shouldn't matter.
You've told yourself time and time again
There are better things to be worrying yourself with.
Man plans, God laughs.
This will pass just like the others.
Except there's only been one other.
Friends are nice, you hold the pain to keep a friend.
You're happy with friends.
Man plans, God laughs.
But this one is stronger than the last.
Don't they just hurt more?
Do they?
It's been so long since the Last Real One.
Man plans, God laughs.
You are your own toxic enemy.
Building yourself up, just to fill with self-doubt
And rip everything back down.
The waste emitted only makes you sick, while the others breathe clear.
Man plans, God laughs.
Stop checking, stop thinking.
Stop thinking, stop thinking!
It's impossible to stop.
They shake their heads. It's obvious, the thoughts run rampant.
They know how to fix this; but they won’t let you in.
Man plans, God laughs.
The migraines mingled with the tightness
A hold around your chest you cannot let out.
A knot of lead, heavy in your gut,
Pulling you, sinking, further into the depths.
Man plans, God laughs.
They're looking from outside these walls.
They can see what you can't, stuck inside.
You pretend, put on a fresh smile to stop them laughing.
But they see the circles under your eyes, the stains of yesterday’s mascara.
So, they watch, and they laugh.
ReplyDeleteI like the way this feels like a mind running in circles and I think you probably intended to do as such. That being said, at times, it can be a bit confusing because as these are thoughts, there lacks “substance.” Meaning, it’s kind of abstract and not weighted with any imagery or concrete details. I think if you added such things, perhaps how you are happy with your friends or how you are hurting (like what it feels/looks like) it would really help get your point across.
I really enjoyed reading this poem. I especially liked the candid tone of the speaker. We have a way of fooling ourselves sometimes, in order to avoid facing the inevitable truth. I felt that your speaker, though, is not afraid to get in touch with her emotions and innermost fears. It gave a raw, authentic, and incredibly human feel to your poem. I agree with Rachel on the abstractness of the piece, however. If there were a couple more concrete details or just a few images for the audience to visualize that which you wish to convey, the reader would be able to connect more easily with the speaker.
DeleteI love the "Man plans, G-d laughs" repetition; I feel like that phrase is so relatable and could be applied to so many different readers, to so many different situations in one's life beyond your poem. I think the verses "Stop checking, stop thinking. Stop thinking, stop thinking!" are especially powerful, the wording as Rachel said portrays a mind running in circles, but also in the way you punctuated it: first with the period, then with the exclamation point, like you're sort of scolding yourself and telling yourself more forcefully to stop checking and thinking after that first failed time.
ReplyDeleteMaybe just a verse or two so the reader fully understand what situation exactly is making the speaker go crazy?
*Purple text is additions
ReplyDelete